Sex Products - Read The Label

This happened to me several years ago, when I was much younger and naive.  Although it was embarrassing at the time, the humor of the situation makes it a story worth telling.

I was pretty serious about the guy I was going out with at that time. It was long enough that we were exclusive, and we were not using condoms of any sort for sex. You may tsk tsk our not using condoms in this day and age, but I was on the pill and neither of us had any communicable diseases.  I cannot remember the first time we had sex together, but by then it was at least three or four times a week, and usually more than once when we did.  Looking back, I realize that he was the first person that I had oral sex with. I was only passable at it, but he was amazing. Boy could he get me off!

Somehow that was not enough for me. I was an avid reader and had read about those great orgasms that women in those books always had with their lovers. I wanted to be able to feel that sensation that they described. You see, the issue was that even though he was great at oral sex, he just had no staying power at all with conventional sex. The oral sex was really a boon to me because he could at least make me come that way, but as soon as he entered me, he was done in about thirty seconds. Oh, I wanted more, if for no other reason than because it just felt so much better for the short time he was in there.

As you can see I was somewhat frustrated, and being a private person by nature (at least about sex) I did not confide in anybody. Eventually I decided to do something about it.  I ventured into a sex shop for the first time in my life.  After skulking around picking up random items off the shelves for a bit, I finally approached an older woman who worked there and explained my dilemma.  She was very nice about it and made me feel comfortable. Apparently it is quite common for younger men to be a bit too excited when having sex and they just do not have any control. She showed me a cream that was designed to numb things down a bit so you could last longer. It seemed like just the right thing, so I purchased it and brought it home.

For the rest of the day, time dragged. I had in my hot little hands the formula that would change my sex life forever. It would move my sex life up about a hundred notches at least! I had been waiting my whole adult life for this! I was going to have the kind of orgasm that would make the gods weep, make the earth stop in its orbit, and make a fifty dollar prostitute jealous!

That night, just before we went to bed, I went to the bathroom and applied the cream to my vagina. I could feel the effects immediately! As I got into bed, I left no doubt in his mind that I wanted to make love with him. As we started to kiss and cuddle, he started to kiss me all over my body. It was not long before he went down on me!

But wait! Something was wrong! This was supposed to be the best night ever but it was not! He was not stimulating me as well as he usually did. What was wrong? I kept telling him to lick me harder and faster! When he tried to respond, nothing but garbled nonsense came out of his mouth. He was looking a bit wild eyed! He sped into the washroom to rinse his mouth out, but neither water or mouthwash was working. As a last ditch resort, he used hand soap on his mouth, but that did not work either.  Eventually the effects started to taper off and he was able to talk.

He asked me if I knew what had happened.  When I explained my problem, he looked at me strangely and then asked to see the tube. After he read them, he started to shake his head and then looked at me. I asked him what was wrong. He guessed that I had not read the instructions, and I said why would I have to because the woman in the store told me I just had to rub it on.  He said yes, that was true, but I was supposed to rub it on him!  Not only that, but the instructions on the tube said that under no circumstances should you engage in oral sex!

I was shocked, then embarrassed. I blushed like a virgin seeing a man naked for the first time. Then I started chuckling. Of course laughing is infectious and as we both started to laugh. Pretty soon we were both rolling on the floor stark naked. It was hysterical!

Well several years have gone by, and I am a lot more worldly. As it turns out, that was not my last trip to a sex shop, but I always read the instructions completely, and do exactly as they say.  Unfortunately, our relationship did not last for very long after that night. His career took him some place I could not go. But of all the men I have loved, he is the one that I always smile about when I think of him.

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