I communicated with a guy online that a friend of mine had given my messenger address to, we chatted for about two months. We finally decided to meet for lunch one day as a way to see if anything more would develop. He lived about an hour and a half away from me so it was quite a drive to my apartment. He showed up in an old truck (and I mean old) it looked like it had once belonged to “Jed Clampett”!
I greeted him and things started to go downhill even more quickly. He looked like he just came from a construction site, he was completely unkempt and his clothes were dirty, dusty and smelly. He then told me I would have to drive because there was a hole in the floorboard on the passenger side and he did not want me falling through.
We went to a small Chinese buffet for lunch. It was nice and the food was excellent. I was starting to become impressed, but that did not last too long. He did the usual compliments about me and then proceeded to tell me an anecdote of how he had lost most of the toes on one foot because of a childhood accident with his dad's loaded rifle. Like I cared. He then told me that he did not have a job. He had lied to me so I would go out with him. Then I found out he was going to be evicted from his friend's garage because he could not pay his rent. Then this loser started to blubber that he had nothing. No job, no prospects and he knew that he was not good looking. He was so annoying it was pathetic. Rather than beat him about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat like I desperately wanted to, I just bit my tongue and consoled him. I said that he just had to be patient and the right one would come along. It just would not be me. He paid for lunch and then he took me back to my apartment.
As we stood at my apartment door he remembered that he had bought a gift for me and that he had left it in the truck. He asked me what my favourite colour was and I said it was yellow. He then ran down the hall in excitement. I stood there wondering what in the world could he have bought me that was yellow. Well I soon found out. He returned a few minutes later with some over-ripe bananas. I didn't know weather to laugh or cry so I did neither. Instead I just stood there in awe. He then proceeded to tell me he had to spend the night because he had had a little too much to drink and didn’t want to get caught driving. I told him (over my dead body) and tried to push him out the door. He was very reluctant to leave so I did the only thing I could do. I attacked him with my bananas, hurling them at him until he backed up into the hall, then I slammed the door! He screamed at me to let him in, but there was no way that was happening. I yelled at him he could stuff his bananas up his butt. Then I told him to leave or I would call the cops. Thank God he left before I had to go through that too.
It was a life altering date. I had to move and change all my personal online information. My friends never give out my personal information anymore.
I think I will join a dating site, hopefully one that doesn’t have any banana toting sex pots.
Online Dating Sites
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